* I’ve never fancied myself as much of a Writer but I’ve found writing to be deeply cathartic since the beginning of my c journey. One day, I’ll find the courage to revisit my CaringBridge journal in its entirety. Until then, I’m picking up my “pen” again to help me move along my journey with grace while hopefully putting forward experiences, insights and resources that resonate with other Survivor Sistahs and help inspire*tickle*heal them along their journeys. The following post is a “mashup” of posts to Facebook, Bay Area Young Survivors Forum and email exchanges with friends.)
<pre check-up>
Well ..it's that time of year for me : the nearing of the good ole, anxiety-inducing “OMGoodness, am I gonna get regifted the worst Christmas present ever” cancerversary commemorated with my routine surveillance check-up with my oncologist.
This ain't my first rodeo but experience isn't lessening the anxiety...in some ways, it is heightening it. Fortunately, Dr. Hausdorff has a better "bedside manner" than a bucking, mad bronco ;) I feel the anxiety and fear of c’s return bubbling, ruffling, fraying the edges of my grace despite my effort to keep grounded in my center by focusing on deep gratitude for being six years out from what felt like a definitive death sentence. I think of all my Sistah Survivors who are in Heaven instead of the waiting room. I think of how they should have had the lifetime they deserved. I harness the inspiration of these Angels and Survivor Sistahs still in the heat of the fight. I am praying for the best and prepared for the worst.
I welcome all good thoughts, mojo and prayers for NED (no evidence of disease) to stay at the top of my dance card today and tomorrow...and the next day...and the day after that...
<post check-up>
So completely pleased to share that NED seems to still be at the top of my dance card this year -- as is Tamoxifen for another five if I go with my Dr. H’s recommendation. He suggested the possibility of switching over to Arimidex but with ostopenia and concerns about full blown osteoporosis, thinking sticking with Tamoxifen is the way to go even though I've been post-menopausal thanks to oophorectomy years ago. Feeling a bit of irony given that when I was a teenager I felt like a 30 year old trapped in a teenager’s body and now feel like a 40 year old trapped in a 60 year old’s body.
In addition to being super relieved I get to keep dancing with NED, I am appreciative to have a Doctor that hears and addresses my concerns...which more often than not runs the risk of an Immersion in Hypochondria - One that I trust to be direct and honest in providing the best guidance so I can make informed decisions - One that acknowledges how nerve-wracking it can be to come for a check-up.
Ridiculously, I am appreciative that I just might get my money’s worth out of my braces (shout out to Dr. Eisinger ;) Truly, I am determined to continue to reclaim my family’s holiday from c. Deeply, I am grateful to be alive...grateful for all the care, support and love. Humbly, I commit to continuing to put forward my experience in hopes of helping others as well as myself to MoXie Up & On!
Thank you to everyone who sent positive energy, mojo and prayers my way. Sending a virtual dance party celebration, many kind sentiments and much love right back atcha!
<pre check-up>
Well ..it's that time of year for me : the nearing of the good ole, anxiety-inducing “OMGoodness, am I gonna get regifted the worst Christmas present ever” cancerversary commemorated with my routine surveillance check-up with my oncologist.
This ain't my first rodeo but experience isn't lessening the anxiety...in some ways, it is heightening it. Fortunately, Dr. Hausdorff has a better "bedside manner" than a bucking, mad bronco ;) I feel the anxiety and fear of c’s return bubbling, ruffling, fraying the edges of my grace despite my effort to keep grounded in my center by focusing on deep gratitude for being six years out from what felt like a definitive death sentence. I think of all my Sistah Survivors who are in Heaven instead of the waiting room. I think of how they should have had the lifetime they deserved. I harness the inspiration of these Angels and Survivor Sistahs still in the heat of the fight. I am praying for the best and prepared for the worst.
I welcome all good thoughts, mojo and prayers for NED (no evidence of disease) to stay at the top of my dance card today and tomorrow...and the next day...and the day after that...
<post check-up>
So completely pleased to share that NED seems to still be at the top of my dance card this year -- as is Tamoxifen for another five if I go with my Dr. H’s recommendation. He suggested the possibility of switching over to Arimidex but with ostopenia and concerns about full blown osteoporosis, thinking sticking with Tamoxifen is the way to go even though I've been post-menopausal thanks to oophorectomy years ago. Feeling a bit of irony given that when I was a teenager I felt like a 30 year old trapped in a teenager’s body and now feel like a 40 year old trapped in a 60 year old’s body.
In addition to being super relieved I get to keep dancing with NED, I am appreciative to have a Doctor that hears and addresses my concerns...which more often than not runs the risk of an Immersion in Hypochondria - One that I trust to be direct and honest in providing the best guidance so I can make informed decisions - One that acknowledges how nerve-wracking it can be to come for a check-up.
Ridiculously, I am appreciative that I just might get my money’s worth out of my braces (shout out to Dr. Eisinger ;) Truly, I am determined to continue to reclaim my family’s holiday from c. Deeply, I am grateful to be alive...grateful for all the care, support and love. Humbly, I commit to continuing to put forward my experience in hopes of helping others as well as myself to MoXie Up & On!
Thank you to everyone who sent positive energy, mojo and prayers my way. Sending a virtual dance party celebration, many kind sentiments and much love right back atcha!